Sound Advice For Evangelising Christians!

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Thank God I’m an atheist.

You’re right, its an old joke.

Seriously though:

Let me begin this rant by emphasising that I’m not against religion.

Far from it:

In fact, as a subject I don’t think there is a more interesting topic.

This being mainly due to the fact that for the past 3,000 years the majority of suffering on this small sphere we call home is almost totally due to religious extremism in its many varied guises.

Or, more specifically, the often, minuscule differences between them.

If there is a God looking down from heaven, he must want my soul very badly. Or thats how the born again Christians or (BAC’s) for short would describe there unsolicited and often offensive ongoing invasion of someones privacy.

For the past 30 years, and at every corner I almost find myself tripping over BAC’s of all shapes, colors and sizes.

…and now it was happening again!

On this occasion I was sitting quite contentedly in the supermarket canteen with a friend who I haven’t seen for some time, and was looking forward to becoming reacquainted.

It was only 8:30 AM, and so far we were the first customers to have arrived and you could sit wherever you wished.

Who wants to overhear someone else’s conversation?

But, no sooner had we sat down than a striking young lady with the most wonderful pronounced Roman nose, and presumably her boyfriend in tow, decided to sit at the same table.

This I initially found puzzling:

At first I presumed that she was either VERY SOCIAL, or perhaps believed there was safety in numbers and she was in danger of perhaps being attacked.

However, she looked at me in a way that immediately indicated she had an agenda of her own, and I wasn’t wrong.

A split second later, and without invitation she began regurgitation her resulting vindication all over me.

Her hand shot out like a flick-knife, it was a greeting which had a purpose.

“Hello she said” in a voice so positive it suggested I could be her long lost uncle. “I’m Hayley, and we’re born again Christians”!

Oh SHIT, I though, what have I don’t to deserve this, AGAIN?

“I’m so sorry” I replied wearing the most distasteful grimace I could manage at short notice, as I recoiled as much as my chair would allow, in obvious distaste “I hope it’s not catching or contagious in any way!”

She certainly didn’t expect that response or expect to come across someone like me.

She needs to make a mental note that quick whited caustic mouthed trouble makers come in all shapes and sizes.

Even disguised as balding, fat 60 year olds that look as totally harmless as a teddy bear, like me.

She shook her head as if she just banged it on something hard and was trying to regain her whit and composure, she was.

Far more uncertain of herself now she rather stupidly went for round two and me attacked again.

“I’ve found Jesus” she announced in a a proud voice she could have easily used to tell me it was her birthday, and she looked at me hopefully for a response.

I didn’t disappoint her:

“I had absolutely no idea that he was lost” was my rapid reply!

Then before she could retaliate I said in my sternest and most condescending voice.

“now do be a good little girl and sit at another table annoying someone else, because its rude to interrupt your elders when they’re talking” I replied.

I hoped that would be game set and match!

However, she was going to have the final word, but there again, she was a female, and an angry one at that.

So typically for a BOC she resorted to the old tried and tested favorite for those who had got the upper hand on them in this irate no-win games of words.

She had a mini tantrum which caused her to tremble like an earthquake, and then she erupted by stamped her left foot and glaring at me with with an expression that made me both believe she had mental issues, and VERY glad she didn’t have a knife in her hand.

Her pretty face was scrunched up and was a picture of sheer hatred, and had turned quite white, ugly and frightening.

“Your an EVIL MAN” she shrieked at me in the voice of an angry child used to getting her own way, which caught the full attention of the canteen staff!

She may have been correct because my wife often says similar, if not worse about me.

My friend felt we should call the security so she didn’t pester other customers. However, I felt she would only move on to another cafe if that happened.

So she sat on the other side of the room brooding on her mistake, or mine, and glaring at my back so intently I could almost feel it through my coat.

Why me?

It’s ALWAYS seems to be me.

Do I look like a reprobate, an individual of ill repute that needs putting back on the pathway of righteousness?

Or, even worse, someone gullible, of weak mind and character who would be easily converted to their particular version of salvation?

PLEASE, just leave US alone!

What right do you have to UNINVITED inject you personal unproven opinion and beliefs into the life of someone else.

Just because YOU have something missing in your life which you believe God or Jesus is making up for, doesn’t mean others do.

Its quite simple:

We want to be left alone, and you to mind your own business.

Feel free to get on with your happy-clappy self righteous meeting and we won’t interfere.

Just understand:

The belief in a God, and a better life after death is something I, and MANY others like me find difficult, if not impossible to believe.

By complete contrast, I find it far easier to believe and understand the Darwinian explanation of the origin of species, and that we have evolved from the slime and more directly from apes.

Whatever YOU may think, God and eternal salvation is an element NOT NEEDED in my life!

I’m quite accepting that I’m mortal and that one day I’ll die and become no more than a memory.

To me death is just the final part of life, in fact the completion of it, and I firmly believe that one life is enough if you lead it properly.

What I am against is right wing extremism in all religions.

Those who in the name of their God impose pain, suffering, restrictions and repression in the life’s of others.

Particularly, those who believe it their duty to evangelise.

I truly believe, that most of this (self-righteous group) given the opportunity and group self justification would soon be as bad, if not worse, than right wing Islamic sects we are now suffering in all corners of the world.

Please leave alone the weakest and most venerable of targets in our society, such as the young and impressionable.

Potential victims are those of a weaker mindset who have experienced disappointments or traumas in their life which they have yet to fully recover from.

Or, the older generation who are closer to where the possibility of after life becomes more attractive.

For such individuals, religion may be an ideal solution and distraction and diversion from their emptiness.

Or, and more likely, it may stop them from achieving their full potential in life if they only grew a pair and took responsibility.

Stop saying you’re sharing the love of God, when in fact by mentioning hell for the unrepentant, you are in fact preaching the fear of God.

A VERY simple question:

If we were really created by a God, and in just 7 days, how much longer would it have taken to make a two-way communication device that could without doubt prove his existence?

The fact is, ask such question and push for a even slightly intelligent and feasible answer, and they will quickly give up on you.

Its interesting, although not unsurprising, but when you begin to get the upper hand in a religious debate with BAC’s, you suddenly become evil, in their closed mind of limitations.

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Here’s What One Great Writer Had to Say on The Subject:

“Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company!”

“A Christian is someone who wants to give up great things in a real life, for mediocre things in an imaginary one. More importantly, they demand that you do the same”!

Or my all time favorite:

“If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be – Christian!”

Mark Twain


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