CategoriesMoans and Groans

The Subservient Husband!

The Dragon Lady is perfectly correct, I can be extremely pedantic. In some ways, I really am Mr steady Eddie. I like to know what I’m doing in advance, and then I can put 100% of my effort towards achieving it.

This doesn’t mean if something more important pops up, I won’t change my mind. I do, and regularly re-priorities my work schedule for the day week or month if needed. However, when it’s just me relying on me, I have a very organised mind and commitment.

It’s 4:0 5 pm as I write, and I have just planned out in detail my actions and achievement for tomorrow. I pretty much know what I want to get done over the next week and month. By complete contrast, the Dragon Lady gets out of bed without a clue of what she’ll do, and everything is done on a whim which can be extremely confusing and frustrating for those around her. However, where I pretty much rely upon myself for 98% of the action in my unfolding day, the Dragon Lady expects everyone else to dance around her, and fit in with the arrangements she’s about to make.

The usual scenario is she will ask me to do something or go with her shopping etc. Then, she starts to get annoyed and irritated with me when, although I say I’ll fit in around her, I ask her to commit to a time so I also can make the most of my day and avoid wasting time, that’s the way I am, precise and punctual. Why I bother I’m not quite sure, as after twenty-five years I should know I’d be more likely to get six numbers up on the lottery three times in a row than her being on time, or NOT changing her plans five times without informing me. For God’s sake, she was even late for our wedding.

The people who I get on with best are those individuals who do what they say they’ll do when they say they’ll do it. Predictable and reliable individuals! Unfortunately, my wife couldn’t be more different, and this is a point of much contention. Not so much from me, but from her who hates I’m so organised and fixed in my ways, apparently, I’m the one who is wrong.

She very definitely likes to get her own way in all things, but especially domestic issues even if she does waste the time of other people. For this reason, I have found it best to get things done rather than consulting with the Dragon Lady because she will make a big issue out of everything.

Recently, we employed a nice young man called Sean to rebuild our decking as much as possible the same as the one which lasted for the previous twenty years. Then Sean made a fatal error, but he wasn’t to know the drama which was about to unfold directly in front of him. He asked the Dragon Lady for her opinion on something, and I knew from experience it was going to get confusing, so I left him to deal with it.

On this occasion, it was about the balustrade for our decking. The dragon lady initially didn’t know what balustrade, was although I was absolutely certain she would have extremely strong opinions on the subject. Then her opinion quite magically seemed to change every day for a week. Sean soon became frustrated and gave me a look of despair. I simply shrugged and told him he should try being married to her, but I don’t think he felt any sympathy.

A few days later, his level of frustration was at fever pitch.

“Don’t blame me, you gave her the choice,” I said.

She had changed her mind again, and now she wanted rope rather than wood which she said would be cheaper she said, although it costs me an additional £250! Sean quickly produced a sample of a post with a rope through it. Actually, it looked lovely, but not to the Dragon Lady who decided a hole through the post would attract rot. She was adamant about this fact and the job dragged on for an additional three weeks.

The reason for this was my wife, rather than having holes wanted to have metal clips into which the rope was inserted and then ran between each post. Frustrated by the constant delays and not being able to finish the job, Sean informed me that this new system would require an additional two days of his time to fit, which would be charged at £140 per day – plus the fittings cost £14 each, and we needed forty. With his time that came to an additional £800 – no thanks!

Just complete it the simple way, I told him and make sure she’s not here when you do the job or she’ll pull a face and start to interfere.

Two days later the wrong thickness of rope was delivered so we had to wait again and then find a dry day when he was free, and the Dragon Lady wasn’t there, this consumed another ten days. Personally, I was bored to tears with the project and for me, every last bit of excitement had been drained from it.

Then it happened, the day arrived when the dragon lady was working at the hospital, and he turned up early and started drilling holes in the posts. I couldn’t believe how much mess this made, and moving rapidly in our direction dark thunder clouds gathered. Although I was particularly busy at the time, I knew my help was required and with the strong breeze shavings scattered everywhere. I found it easiest to vacuum the decks, and when they were free from shavings I also vacuum the grass and the cat looked at me as if I was totally bonkers. We finished just in time and the heavens opened.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” Asked Sean.

My God, of course not, if it was gold-plated and diamond-encrusted she would still find fault and be disappointed with something, she was!

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